I have also been feeling a fair amount of contentment about a few things. First off my contentment on staying in Abby after my brief bought of Saskatoon fever. After that didn't work out the way I wanted it to I soon discovered that there are things here in Abby still that I was meant for. Kind of overlapping the moving to Saskatoon plan and certainly after, I started to meet some new friends and build on some withstanding relationships. From the people and oppertunities here in Abbotsford I have sensed that I am meant to stay here...there is purpose here for me still. I am completely content with the prospect of next years school and living here.
The second thing that has yeilded me a fair amount of contentment has been the whole me and a girl relationship deal. This year has brought me to a realization (one that more or less had to be beaten into me time and time again) that I can not settle for someone who I plan on loving and spending the rest of my life with.
I am starting to know me more and more as time progresses and I've realized a few things. I am who I am, and some of that will change. I desire someone who knows me and still loves me. Someone who knows me but is convinced that there is so much more. I don't want someone who thinks that they have figured me out and that her current understanding is all there is to me. I need someone who looks at my soul and sees great things and whats to be a part of it all. I want someone who has a certain amount of understanding of who I am but realizes that there is and always will be so much more to learn and love. I know I'm not perfect, but I am well aware of my strengths as well as my weaknesses. If the favour is returned, I will be a great soulmate for someone, a great lover, a great friend.
I also don't want to "settle" for someone. And I'm not saying that out of arrogance or ignorance, what I mean is I don't want to settle for someone who I don't think fits me. I will live my life as a single man or someone who has found a girl who's mind, heart, and soul that unlike water and oil, stay together seemingly as one substance after a lifetime of shaking!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Consolidation. That has been the theme of the past few weeks. Realizing how much stuff I have that I dont use. I first realized it with my clothes. I started going through them like I periodically do, throwing out what I have grown out of. This time was different. Usually if I wasnt sure of whether or not I wanted a piece of clothing I would keep it. However this time, if I had not worn it in the past month I threw it out. I got three garbage bags worth of clothing. I am planning on turning that into money the only way I know how. I am trading them in for a 50 % off coupon for Value Village. I figure next month I will be spending crazy money there so why not.
I also went through my closet and storage closet and threw out a bunch of things that I usually end up keeping whenever I do these spring cleans. I've actually aqquired a lot of crap over the last year and a bit. I made sure to throw anything away that I was on the fence about keeping.
Another point of consolidation has been the sale of my drum set. That was a big step for me because traditionally the concept of selling it has meant a defeat and loss to me...even though I hardly ever used it. I decided to post it on craigslist and This evening I sold it. It's gone, no more drumset. This was a big step for me because it represented how I am now feeling about holding on to things in my life that are destructive or things that I am not passionate about. Life is short I figure, why fill it with things that don't get you excited and make you passionate.
Along with this philosophy of consolidation in regards to personal belongings I have also applied it to my life goals and finances. I have many things that I desire to do in my life, and I usually stress over which I should do and when. I always fee like my life is rushed. Lately I have realized that life is full of stages and eras and that it is perfectly fine to spread these goals and desires I have over these many eras. I have decided to consolidate what my goals are in the near future and spread the rest of my passions over my lifetime. It's been a very freeing concept.
As far as financials goes, I figure that I am far from resisting the little constant purchases such as Timmy's, however I have been working towards not spending money on gathering posessions that I don't need. I know this sounds quite cliche, but I am honest and serious...I came to this realization over a long process and much reflection. It wasnt one of those things I heard somewhere and then nodded my head to and said "very true!". I need to focus on only buying the basics...no fancy car...the K will do, no fancy phone...my 4 year old phone is fine, and certainly no new computers, car stereos and all that other jazz.
In order to help me with this task of "cutting back" I've decided starting the planting season that each time I say no to going out to eat and instead either eating at home or not at all, or instead of spending $50 bucks on useless crap, taking note of my decision and then put the money that I would have spent in a savings account. I would also like to do that debit card change program. (where they take the change from your debit purchases and deposits it into a savings account).
I have a few investments in the near future that represent my passions, desires and goals that saving money will help me accomplish. Mainly my desire to buy a NICE 1970s VW Westfalia is whats at the forefront of my short term goals, along side of school.
I hope that after planting I will come back to a rather fresh start here in Abby. A fresh start in the sense that I want to not tempt myself to desire the things that I do not have passion for. It would be so freeing! and that is exactly what I need right now in my life. More freedom...especially from myself.
I also went through my closet and storage closet and threw out a bunch of things that I usually end up keeping whenever I do these spring cleans. I've actually aqquired a lot of crap over the last year and a bit. I made sure to throw anything away that I was on the fence about keeping.
Another point of consolidation has been the sale of my drum set. That was a big step for me because traditionally the concept of selling it has meant a defeat and loss to me...even though I hardly ever used it. I decided to post it on craigslist and This evening I sold it. It's gone, no more drumset. This was a big step for me because it represented how I am now feeling about holding on to things in my life that are destructive or things that I am not passionate about. Life is short I figure, why fill it with things that don't get you excited and make you passionate.
Along with this philosophy of consolidation in regards to personal belongings I have also applied it to my life goals and finances. I have many things that I desire to do in my life, and I usually stress over which I should do and when. I always fee like my life is rushed. Lately I have realized that life is full of stages and eras and that it is perfectly fine to spread these goals and desires I have over these many eras. I have decided to consolidate what my goals are in the near future and spread the rest of my passions over my lifetime. It's been a very freeing concept.
As far as financials goes, I figure that I am far from resisting the little constant purchases such as Timmy's, however I have been working towards not spending money on gathering posessions that I don't need. I know this sounds quite cliche, but I am honest and serious...I came to this realization over a long process and much reflection. It wasnt one of those things I heard somewhere and then nodded my head to and said "very true!". I need to focus on only buying the basics...no fancy car...the K will do, no fancy phone...my 4 year old phone is fine, and certainly no new computers, car stereos and all that other jazz.
In order to help me with this task of "cutting back" I've decided starting the planting season that each time I say no to going out to eat and instead either eating at home or not at all, or instead of spending $50 bucks on useless crap, taking note of my decision and then put the money that I would have spent in a savings account. I would also like to do that debit card change program. (where they take the change from your debit purchases and deposits it into a savings account).
I have a few investments in the near future that represent my passions, desires and goals that saving money will help me accomplish. Mainly my desire to buy a NICE 1970s VW Westfalia is whats at the forefront of my short term goals, along side of school.
I hope that after planting I will come back to a rather fresh start here in Abby. A fresh start in the sense that I want to not tempt myself to desire the things that I do not have passion for. It would be so freeing! and that is exactly what I need right now in my life. More freedom...especially from myself.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
A Dream: The Jordan Todd Chronicles
I had an odd dream this morning. One of those dreams that both during and after seems so real that it affects you on an emotional level. This dream specifically is going to sound ridiculous, but for some reason for me it felt sincere, real, and important. Some parts I remember as being very specific, other parts I only remember generally. This is what I remember about the dream.
The dream starts out with me as a teenage boy. At least this is how I felt. I had a mother who had adopted me but I am unsure as to how long she had been my mother for. She was a strong woman, someone who was serious and always in work mode. However despite her slight hardness and strength, I felt like she cared about me. It is extremely important to mention that the manifestation of this mother figure was represented by the actress who played Sarah Conner on the T.V. show “Terminator: Sarah Conner Chronicles”. It is also important to note that other then me watching the television show with my roommate, that I have recently watched the movie “300” where she played king Leonidas’ wife.
The dream then moves forward in time. I am living with either my real mother or another adopted mother and her partner. We are living in a slightly altered basement suite that I currently live in real life. My real life siblings are there, I remember my brother Jesse specifically. The next scene happens outside. I am working on a shingled roof of a shed when I look down at my mother (who should be my second adopted mom or my real one, but instead I remember her looking like Sarah) and ask, “Don’t you think it’s a little strange that my old mother is the same person that is in the two DVD’s (Sarah Conner Chronicles and 300) inside our house?” She seemed to simply agree with me as if she knew and it was a normal fact of life.
I then felt the overwhelming urge to see my old mother Sarah. She then ends up coming and visiting me, only this time she is on crutches (she was also recently on crutches in the show that I’m following in real life). I say right away, “Oh come on!” I was frustrated because she was playing the role of Sarah Conner, even though it had seemingly been established that her two characters were fictional and that myself and everyone in the dream realized that.
That was the last part of the dream that I can remember. I woke up at about 7am feeling extremely emotionally attached to this mother figure. It was an odd dream, like most I get and one of those dreams that affects me on an emotional level after I wake up.
The dream starts out with me as a teenage boy. At least this is how I felt. I had a mother who had adopted me but I am unsure as to how long she had been my mother for. She was a strong woman, someone who was serious and always in work mode. However despite her slight hardness and strength, I felt like she cared about me. It is extremely important to mention that the manifestation of this mother figure was represented by the actress who played Sarah Conner on the T.V. show “Terminator: Sarah Conner Chronicles”. It is also important to note that other then me watching the television show with my roommate, that I have recently watched the movie “300” where she played king Leonidas’ wife.
The dream then moves forward in time. I am living with either my real mother or another adopted mother and her partner. We are living in a slightly altered basement suite that I currently live in real life. My real life siblings are there, I remember my brother Jesse specifically. The next scene happens outside. I am working on a shingled roof of a shed when I look down at my mother (who should be my second adopted mom or my real one, but instead I remember her looking like Sarah) and ask, “Don’t you think it’s a little strange that my old mother is the same person that is in the two DVD’s (Sarah Conner Chronicles and 300) inside our house?” She seemed to simply agree with me as if she knew and it was a normal fact of life.
I then felt the overwhelming urge to see my old mother Sarah. She then ends up coming and visiting me, only this time she is on crutches (she was also recently on crutches in the show that I’m following in real life). I say right away, “Oh come on!” I was frustrated because she was playing the role of Sarah Conner, even though it had seemingly been established that her two characters were fictional and that myself and everyone in the dream realized that.
That was the last part of the dream that I can remember. I woke up at about 7am feeling extremely emotionally attached to this mother figure. It was an odd dream, like most I get and one of those dreams that affects me on an emotional level after I wake up.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
GOALS:
BY 2011 HAVE A NICE 1970'S VW WESTFALIA
By then I would have completed 3 years of my Anth/Soc Degree at UFV.
BY 2012 HAVE AN ANTH/SOC BA FROM UFV.
By then I could go on a roadtrip across Canada.
BY 2013 I WOULD HAVE COMPLETED 3 YEARS OF MY THEOLOGY DEGREE AT CBC.
By then I could go on a roadtrip down to the southern states.
BY 2014 I WOULD HAVE A THEOLOGY BA FROM CBC.
BY 2011 HAVE A NICE 1970'S VW WESTFALIA
By then I would have completed 3 years of my Anth/Soc Degree at UFV.
BY 2012 HAVE AN ANTH/SOC BA FROM UFV.
By then I could go on a roadtrip across Canada.
BY 2013 I WOULD HAVE COMPLETED 3 YEARS OF MY THEOLOGY DEGREE AT CBC.
By then I could go on a roadtrip down to the southern states.
BY 2014 I WOULD HAVE A THEOLOGY BA FROM CBC.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Some Now Goals for Later:
1) Collect a wicked amount of Superman Comics
2) Collect LP's - maybe Porcupine Tree, Blackfield, Muse, Dream Theater...
3) Get some Tattoos: 1) A ring around ring finger 2) Alpha 2 Omega on back
3) Mouri Arm/Shoulder 4) Thai Spiritual Arm/Shoulder
4) Buy huge hard drive and store pictures, movies, tv shows, documentaries, Internet Videos...
Some Cool Ideas:
1) Buy a nice camera and create a portfolio (yearbook) type thing.
2) Write a comic book and get a friend to illustrate it!
3) Write Short Stories
1) Collect a wicked amount of Superman Comics
2) Collect LP's - maybe Porcupine Tree, Blackfield, Muse, Dream Theater...
3) Get some Tattoos: 1) A ring around ring finger 2) Alpha 2 Omega on back
3) Mouri Arm/Shoulder 4) Thai Spiritual Arm/Shoulder
4) Buy huge hard drive and store pictures, movies, tv shows, documentaries, Internet Videos...
Some Cool Ideas:
1) Buy a nice camera and create a portfolio (yearbook) type thing.
2) Write a comic book and get a friend to illustrate it!
3) Write Short Stories
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