I have also been feeling a fair amount of contentment about a few things. First off my contentment on staying in Abby after my brief bought of Saskatoon fever. After that didn't work out the way I wanted it to I soon discovered that there are things here in Abby still that I was meant for. Kind of overlapping the moving to Saskatoon plan and certainly after, I started to meet some new friends and build on some withstanding relationships. From the people and oppertunities here in Abbotsford I have sensed that I am meant to stay here...there is purpose here for me still. I am completely content with the prospect of next years school and living here.
The second thing that has yeilded me a fair amount of contentment has been the whole me and a girl relationship deal. This year has brought me to a realization (one that more or less had to be beaten into me time and time again) that I can not settle for someone who I plan on loving and spending the rest of my life with.
I am starting to know me more and more as time progresses and I've realized a few things. I am who I am, and some of that will change. I desire someone who knows me and still loves me. Someone who knows me but is convinced that there is so much more. I don't want someone who thinks that they have figured me out and that her current understanding is all there is to me. I need someone who looks at my soul and sees great things and whats to be a part of it all. I want someone who has a certain amount of understanding of who I am but realizes that there is and always will be so much more to learn and love. I know I'm not perfect, but I am well aware of my strengths as well as my weaknesses. If the favour is returned, I will be a great soulmate for someone, a great lover, a great friend.
I also don't want to "settle" for someone. And I'm not saying that out of arrogance or ignorance, what I mean is I don't want to settle for someone who I don't think fits me. I will live my life as a single man or someone who has found a girl who's mind, heart, and soul that unlike water and oil, stay together seemingly as one substance after a lifetime of shaking!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Consolidation. That has been the theme of the past few weeks. Realizing how much stuff I have that I dont use. I first realized it with my clothes. I started going through them like I periodically do, throwing out what I have grown out of. This time was different. Usually if I wasnt sure of whether or not I wanted a piece of clothing I would keep it. However this time, if I had not worn it in the past month I threw it out. I got three garbage bags worth of clothing. I am planning on turning that into money the only way I know how. I am trading them in for a 50 % off coupon for Value Village. I figure next month I will be spending crazy money there so why not.
I also went through my closet and storage closet and threw out a bunch of things that I usually end up keeping whenever I do these spring cleans. I've actually aqquired a lot of crap over the last year and a bit. I made sure to throw anything away that I was on the fence about keeping.
Another point of consolidation has been the sale of my drum set. That was a big step for me because traditionally the concept of selling it has meant a defeat and loss to me...even though I hardly ever used it. I decided to post it on craigslist and This evening I sold it. It's gone, no more drumset. This was a big step for me because it represented how I am now feeling about holding on to things in my life that are destructive or things that I am not passionate about. Life is short I figure, why fill it with things that don't get you excited and make you passionate.
Along with this philosophy of consolidation in regards to personal belongings I have also applied it to my life goals and finances. I have many things that I desire to do in my life, and I usually stress over which I should do and when. I always fee like my life is rushed. Lately I have realized that life is full of stages and eras and that it is perfectly fine to spread these goals and desires I have over these many eras. I have decided to consolidate what my goals are in the near future and spread the rest of my passions over my lifetime. It's been a very freeing concept.
As far as financials goes, I figure that I am far from resisting the little constant purchases such as Timmy's, however I have been working towards not spending money on gathering posessions that I don't need. I know this sounds quite cliche, but I am honest and serious...I came to this realization over a long process and much reflection. It wasnt one of those things I heard somewhere and then nodded my head to and said "very true!". I need to focus on only buying the basics...no fancy car...the K will do, no fancy phone...my 4 year old phone is fine, and certainly no new computers, car stereos and all that other jazz.
In order to help me with this task of "cutting back" I've decided starting the planting season that each time I say no to going out to eat and instead either eating at home or not at all, or instead of spending $50 bucks on useless crap, taking note of my decision and then put the money that I would have spent in a savings account. I would also like to do that debit card change program. (where they take the change from your debit purchases and deposits it into a savings account).
I have a few investments in the near future that represent my passions, desires and goals that saving money will help me accomplish. Mainly my desire to buy a NICE 1970s VW Westfalia is whats at the forefront of my short term goals, along side of school.
I hope that after planting I will come back to a rather fresh start here in Abby. A fresh start in the sense that I want to not tempt myself to desire the things that I do not have passion for. It would be so freeing! and that is exactly what I need right now in my life. More freedom...especially from myself.
I also went through my closet and storage closet and threw out a bunch of things that I usually end up keeping whenever I do these spring cleans. I've actually aqquired a lot of crap over the last year and a bit. I made sure to throw anything away that I was on the fence about keeping.
Another point of consolidation has been the sale of my drum set. That was a big step for me because traditionally the concept of selling it has meant a defeat and loss to me...even though I hardly ever used it. I decided to post it on craigslist and This evening I sold it. It's gone, no more drumset. This was a big step for me because it represented how I am now feeling about holding on to things in my life that are destructive or things that I am not passionate about. Life is short I figure, why fill it with things that don't get you excited and make you passionate.
Along with this philosophy of consolidation in regards to personal belongings I have also applied it to my life goals and finances. I have many things that I desire to do in my life, and I usually stress over which I should do and when. I always fee like my life is rushed. Lately I have realized that life is full of stages and eras and that it is perfectly fine to spread these goals and desires I have over these many eras. I have decided to consolidate what my goals are in the near future and spread the rest of my passions over my lifetime. It's been a very freeing concept.
As far as financials goes, I figure that I am far from resisting the little constant purchases such as Timmy's, however I have been working towards not spending money on gathering posessions that I don't need. I know this sounds quite cliche, but I am honest and serious...I came to this realization over a long process and much reflection. It wasnt one of those things I heard somewhere and then nodded my head to and said "very true!". I need to focus on only buying the basics...no fancy car...the K will do, no fancy phone...my 4 year old phone is fine, and certainly no new computers, car stereos and all that other jazz.
In order to help me with this task of "cutting back" I've decided starting the planting season that each time I say no to going out to eat and instead either eating at home or not at all, or instead of spending $50 bucks on useless crap, taking note of my decision and then put the money that I would have spent in a savings account. I would also like to do that debit card change program. (where they take the change from your debit purchases and deposits it into a savings account).
I have a few investments in the near future that represent my passions, desires and goals that saving money will help me accomplish. Mainly my desire to buy a NICE 1970s VW Westfalia is whats at the forefront of my short term goals, along side of school.
I hope that after planting I will come back to a rather fresh start here in Abby. A fresh start in the sense that I want to not tempt myself to desire the things that I do not have passion for. It would be so freeing! and that is exactly what I need right now in my life. More freedom...especially from myself.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
A Dream: The Jordan Todd Chronicles
I had an odd dream this morning. One of those dreams that both during and after seems so real that it affects you on an emotional level. This dream specifically is going to sound ridiculous, but for some reason for me it felt sincere, real, and important. Some parts I remember as being very specific, other parts I only remember generally. This is what I remember about the dream.
The dream starts out with me as a teenage boy. At least this is how I felt. I had a mother who had adopted me but I am unsure as to how long she had been my mother for. She was a strong woman, someone who was serious and always in work mode. However despite her slight hardness and strength, I felt like she cared about me. It is extremely important to mention that the manifestation of this mother figure was represented by the actress who played Sarah Conner on the T.V. show “Terminator: Sarah Conner Chronicles”. It is also important to note that other then me watching the television show with my roommate, that I have recently watched the movie “300” where she played king Leonidas’ wife.
The dream then moves forward in time. I am living with either my real mother or another adopted mother and her partner. We are living in a slightly altered basement suite that I currently live in real life. My real life siblings are there, I remember my brother Jesse specifically. The next scene happens outside. I am working on a shingled roof of a shed when I look down at my mother (who should be my second adopted mom or my real one, but instead I remember her looking like Sarah) and ask, “Don’t you think it’s a little strange that my old mother is the same person that is in the two DVD’s (Sarah Conner Chronicles and 300) inside our house?” She seemed to simply agree with me as if she knew and it was a normal fact of life.
I then felt the overwhelming urge to see my old mother Sarah. She then ends up coming and visiting me, only this time she is on crutches (she was also recently on crutches in the show that I’m following in real life). I say right away, “Oh come on!” I was frustrated because she was playing the role of Sarah Conner, even though it had seemingly been established that her two characters were fictional and that myself and everyone in the dream realized that.
That was the last part of the dream that I can remember. I woke up at about 7am feeling extremely emotionally attached to this mother figure. It was an odd dream, like most I get and one of those dreams that affects me on an emotional level after I wake up.
The dream starts out with me as a teenage boy. At least this is how I felt. I had a mother who had adopted me but I am unsure as to how long she had been my mother for. She was a strong woman, someone who was serious and always in work mode. However despite her slight hardness and strength, I felt like she cared about me. It is extremely important to mention that the manifestation of this mother figure was represented by the actress who played Sarah Conner on the T.V. show “Terminator: Sarah Conner Chronicles”. It is also important to note that other then me watching the television show with my roommate, that I have recently watched the movie “300” where she played king Leonidas’ wife.
The dream then moves forward in time. I am living with either my real mother or another adopted mother and her partner. We are living in a slightly altered basement suite that I currently live in real life. My real life siblings are there, I remember my brother Jesse specifically. The next scene happens outside. I am working on a shingled roof of a shed when I look down at my mother (who should be my second adopted mom or my real one, but instead I remember her looking like Sarah) and ask, “Don’t you think it’s a little strange that my old mother is the same person that is in the two DVD’s (Sarah Conner Chronicles and 300) inside our house?” She seemed to simply agree with me as if she knew and it was a normal fact of life.
I then felt the overwhelming urge to see my old mother Sarah. She then ends up coming and visiting me, only this time she is on crutches (she was also recently on crutches in the show that I’m following in real life). I say right away, “Oh come on!” I was frustrated because she was playing the role of Sarah Conner, even though it had seemingly been established that her two characters were fictional and that myself and everyone in the dream realized that.
That was the last part of the dream that I can remember. I woke up at about 7am feeling extremely emotionally attached to this mother figure. It was an odd dream, like most I get and one of those dreams that affects me on an emotional level after I wake up.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
GOALS:
BY 2011 HAVE A NICE 1970'S VW WESTFALIA
By then I would have completed 3 years of my Anth/Soc Degree at UFV.
BY 2012 HAVE AN ANTH/SOC BA FROM UFV.
By then I could go on a roadtrip across Canada.
BY 2013 I WOULD HAVE COMPLETED 3 YEARS OF MY THEOLOGY DEGREE AT CBC.
By then I could go on a roadtrip down to the southern states.
BY 2014 I WOULD HAVE A THEOLOGY BA FROM CBC.
BY 2011 HAVE A NICE 1970'S VW WESTFALIA
By then I would have completed 3 years of my Anth/Soc Degree at UFV.
BY 2012 HAVE AN ANTH/SOC BA FROM UFV.
By then I could go on a roadtrip across Canada.
BY 2013 I WOULD HAVE COMPLETED 3 YEARS OF MY THEOLOGY DEGREE AT CBC.
By then I could go on a roadtrip down to the southern states.
BY 2014 I WOULD HAVE A THEOLOGY BA FROM CBC.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Some Now Goals for Later:
1) Collect a wicked amount of Superman Comics
2) Collect LP's - maybe Porcupine Tree, Blackfield, Muse, Dream Theater...
3) Get some Tattoos: 1) A ring around ring finger 2) Alpha 2 Omega on back
3) Mouri Arm/Shoulder 4) Thai Spiritual Arm/Shoulder
4) Buy huge hard drive and store pictures, movies, tv shows, documentaries, Internet Videos...
Some Cool Ideas:
1) Buy a nice camera and create a portfolio (yearbook) type thing.
2) Write a comic book and get a friend to illustrate it!
3) Write Short Stories
1) Collect a wicked amount of Superman Comics
2) Collect LP's - maybe Porcupine Tree, Blackfield, Muse, Dream Theater...
3) Get some Tattoos: 1) A ring around ring finger 2) Alpha 2 Omega on back
3) Mouri Arm/Shoulder 4) Thai Spiritual Arm/Shoulder
4) Buy huge hard drive and store pictures, movies, tv shows, documentaries, Internet Videos...
Some Cool Ideas:
1) Buy a nice camera and create a portfolio (yearbook) type thing.
2) Write a comic book and get a friend to illustrate it!
3) Write Short Stories
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Some eras that I can divide my life up into:
Early Childhood Ontario: 1985-1992 (Stuff I can't remember/earliest memories)
Early Childhood BC: 1992-1994 (Coquitlam)
Pre-move Abbotsford: 1994-2000 (Life in Abby with the Family)
Claresholm: 2000-2001 (grade 11 in a small town)
The Return: 2002-2003 (Grade 12 - Graduation; The Swaans)
Post-move Abbotsford: (I start to look back yearly instead of by "era")
- Supeenes: 2003-2004 - The beginning of Bible College and first summer of tree planting
- Nick's Basement: 2004-2005 - Depression\ Break up with Nicole (2nd year planting)
- Mission: 2005-2006 - Brick Factory; First Trip to Thailand\Montreal (Break from planting)
- Eldon's: 2006-2007 - Brick Factory; Second Trip to Thailand (3rd year planting)
- Dan Tait at Redwood: 2007-2008 - Semester at UCFV
- Dave's Basement: 2008-current - Semester at UCFV; 1st Year Foreman; Turkey; Year of Work
I eventually want to record these eras of my life in more detail and with media attachments.
nos⋅tal⋅gia
[no-stal-juh, -jee-uh, nuh-]
Show IPA–noun
| 1. | a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time: a nostalgia for his college days. |
Nostalgia is something that is just as creative as it is destructive in my life. I'm not quite sure yet how to describe how it is destructive, but it is. It's like I get lost in a day dream where the chemicals in my body shift and make me feel like someone gazing off into the stars or across the room at a person they are in love with but no one is aware of their feelings. If I am around people when this happens, I start to vocalize it and usually quite quickley they start to say things like "dude, thats history...quit living in the past." etc...
This disease called nostalgia starts off positive by granting me great joy reminiscing about good times in the past. Then if I dwell too long I start to place myself back into a specific era/memory in my life. It feels almost like when someone is taken back in time to view the past with a magical spirit and they can see everything and everyone and what happened but they can't interact with any of it.
If I continue to think about past memories in this state I start to feel like memories are things that represent things/feelings/moments that I can never get back. And for some reason...that really bugs me. I compare it to something I realized a few days ago. I can't do everything. I'm not qualified or I may never be able to be qualified for certain jobs, careers and/or experiences. Even if I have never desired to persue a certain idea, job, experience etc...once I realize that I can't, I feel like I am missing out on something that life has to offer. Something that I am supposed to experience or do...something that I should understand. And I think that bugs me.
I value life for the experiences that it has to offer. I value experience since it offers understanding. Understanding and Experience are very important to me. I think if I had a choice to live for thousands of years I would take it. I would do and learn everything that I could...experience everything! However I think that the disease of nostalgia would be extremely intense, maybe even unbareable.
If my super power was an innate desire to experience things to understand them, to understand others...then I think my fatal flaw, my kryptonite would be nostalgia. Sometimes I worry about how I will deal with memories when I am an old man. At that point I hope that I have learned to become content with where I was, who I was, who I knew, and where I'd been. I hope.
Nostalgia creates what feels like an alternate reality. Usually to overcome it I have to be in a currently familar environment, maybe watching the news or doing something or talking to someone that I currently hang out with. It's weird because I know that my life has, is, and most likely will be great! I think that I am content with who I am and what I've experienced up until this point in my life. So I'm not quite sure why I occasionally suffer from this disease of nostalgia...or what it means. I dont think my life was "better" in the past...but why do I still concern myself with it so much.
I think at the end of the day this is something that I will have to wrestle with myself. No one else ever wants to dwell in the past with someone like me for the same period of time...it just gets frustrating (I can imagine).
Finally, I think that it is important for me to make an effort at remembering my past, recording it, whether in a journal, scrapbook, or via photos. This is something that I have a desire to do and will one day do well. I would love to make a collection of memories...photos, videos, documents etc...and create a few dvds and a few scrap books for each era of my life.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Today I went to Rock Beach Studios to be in the audience for a pilot episode of a show called "Roadhouse". Yuca was playing there and I was invited along with Scott, Tugrul, Matt, and Evan. It was my first experience on a set of any kind that I can remember. It was a fun experience. As well, I got to watch Yuca perform again. I really enjoy their music probably because they are very professional sounding, they seem to be great guys, and because I have a friend in the band. Always have to support friends in what they do, music or otherwise. I like Yuca's music also because I find it to be very catchy.
On the ride home I thought a lot about my outlook in regards to music. I think that I am usually fair and positive about persuing music, though Im sure that's not always the case. I base my opinion of a band on the following three things:
1) If they appeal to me and my musical tastes.
2) Their reasons for pursuing music and if they are approaching their goals appropriately.
3) If they deserve to play infront of a certain audience or in a certain venue, based on their talent and skill as musicians.
Those are the three things that I think I base my musical opinions on. And ofcourse I am usually more forgiving if I know the artist or band personally.
I've decided that I am absolutely tired of hearing people being negatively over-critical about bands. What we fail to realize sometimes is that music is art...their isn't nessisarily a right or wrong way to do it. Just preferences held by musicians and audience alike.
The person who appriciates simple music usually dislikes complicated arrangements. The person who likes rocking out to a shredding rock guitar solo may not appriciate one guy and his accoustic guitar. Someone who loves extremely technical music may not appriciate more basic songs where notes are "felt" and where the guitar "groves".
My point is that people have to start realizing that when they are being critical about a band or artist, they are doing so while looking out through the eyes holes of their own box of musical preference. I think to be fair we have to understand where the band is, where they want to go, and how they are going about getting there. Ofocurse we can be critical about a band when it comes to whether or not we "like" them, but when it comes to deciding if a band is "good" then we must try our best to look beyond ourselves especially if we don't poersonally like the artist(s) in question,
On the ride home I thought a lot about my outlook in regards to music. I think that I am usually fair and positive about persuing music, though Im sure that's not always the case. I base my opinion of a band on the following three things:
1) If they appeal to me and my musical tastes.
2) Their reasons for pursuing music and if they are approaching their goals appropriately.
3) If they deserve to play infront of a certain audience or in a certain venue, based on their talent and skill as musicians.
Those are the three things that I think I base my musical opinions on. And ofcourse I am usually more forgiving if I know the artist or band personally.
I've decided that I am absolutely tired of hearing people being negatively over-critical about bands. What we fail to realize sometimes is that music is art...their isn't nessisarily a right or wrong way to do it. Just preferences held by musicians and audience alike.
The person who appriciates simple music usually dislikes complicated arrangements. The person who likes rocking out to a shredding rock guitar solo may not appriciate one guy and his accoustic guitar. Someone who loves extremely technical music may not appriciate more basic songs where notes are "felt" and where the guitar "groves".
My point is that people have to start realizing that when they are being critical about a band or artist, they are doing so while looking out through the eyes holes of their own box of musical preference. I think to be fair we have to understand where the band is, where they want to go, and how they are going about getting there. Ofocurse we can be critical about a band when it comes to whether or not we "like" them, but when it comes to deciding if a band is "good" then we must try our best to look beyond ourselves especially if we don't poersonally like the artist(s) in question,
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Remember These Things!
Right now it is about 12:30am and I want to do this before my mood and emotional state is altered. This is to myself:
Stop being so judgemental of people. Especially the petty crap. You can be petty and weird, and annoying...so give others a break when they are.
Keep your opinion to yourself unless someone asks you for it.
Be patient, be kind, be understanding.
Quit worrying about your future. Every desire you have would be awesome if you pursued it. So take your time and choice one or a couple at a time...quit worrying about all of them. You will get a chance to do these things if they are still true desire of your heart.
It's about time to start taking more responsibility. You've noticed where you lack in taking initiative when its important to. Quit being so unconscious about your finances. Think ahead about plans and what you realistically have to do to accomplish them, especially without compromising yourself.
Stop being so judgemental of people. Especially the petty crap. You can be petty and weird, and annoying...so give others a break when they are.
Keep your opinion to yourself unless someone asks you for it.
Be patient, be kind, be understanding.
Quit worrying about your future. Every desire you have would be awesome if you pursued it. So take your time and choice one or a couple at a time...quit worrying about all of them. You will get a chance to do these things if they are still true desire of your heart.
It's about time to start taking more responsibility. You've noticed where you lack in taking initiative when its important to. Quit being so unconscious about your finances. Think ahead about plans and what you realistically have to do to accomplish them, especially without compromising yourself.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
As lame as it may be I'm still going to say it. I love Jim and Pam's relationship on The Office. I know its made up, I know that its made to provoke emotion out of the viewers and that so many people share a similar feeling towards them. However, I love those two and what they have. Today I watched the latest Office episode, the one hour special after the superbowl and again, I fell for what Pam and Jim had going for them in that episode...
"He said that you told him how much you love me. About how you feel when I walk in a room. And about, how you've never doubted for a second that I'm the woman you wanna spend the rest of your life with....When you're a kid you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that" -Pam
I want that! I want to know that about someone else. I want to feel that way about someone.
It kind of sucks though how I partially rely on a tv relationship to provoke those kind of feelings. Maybe I should use the fictional relationship of Jim and Pam to help keep me from compromising my desires for a relationship.
yeah.
"He said that you told him how much you love me. About how you feel when I walk in a room. And about, how you've never doubted for a second that I'm the woman you wanna spend the rest of your life with....When you're a kid you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that" -Pam
I want that! I want to know that about someone else. I want to feel that way about someone.
It kind of sucks though how I partially rely on a tv relationship to provoke those kind of feelings. Maybe I should use the fictional relationship of Jim and Pam to help keep me from compromising my desires for a relationship.
yeah.
Monday, February 2, 2009
So today was an epic day. I went to see a great UFV Play"Inuk and the Sun". Billy and Vic where in it and Joanne directed it. Myself and Jordan S. met in the Wack to see it...gt's all around. After that I boosted to watch the rest of the stuperbowl at the Krauses. Then I left there early to meet Sam to pick up Tugrul. On the way to the airport Sam and I had a great conversation. This is the first long/deep conversation that I have ever had with him. He is a wise man, and I learned a lot about history, himself, and Tugrul that evening. I have a new understanding of Tugrul through listening to his dad's philosophy.
Ofcourse the picking up of Tugrul was great. As much as I was worried that Tugrul was going to be stressed out and "serial" when he got back, he totally wasnt. The night he came back he went to tim's with evan, jesse, matt and myself and it was a lot of fun. Evan said that "This sort of feels like a new era. The one we had, myself, Matt, Jesse, and you...was awesome. We got to know each other while Tugrul wasn't here. But now, he's back and I'm really excited."
I'm really running on E as far as my bank accountis concerned. I hope I start working, am successful and start raking in some cash. As soon as I can start worrying about money I will be an almost completely happy individual.
Ofcourse the picking up of Tugrul was great. As much as I was worried that Tugrul was going to be stressed out and "serial" when he got back, he totally wasnt. The night he came back he went to tim's with evan, jesse, matt and myself and it was a lot of fun. Evan said that "This sort of feels like a new era. The one we had, myself, Matt, Jesse, and you...was awesome. We got to know each other while Tugrul wasn't here. But now, he's back and I'm really excited."
I'm really running on E as far as my bank accountis concerned. I hope I start working, am successful and start raking in some cash. As soon as I can start worrying about money I will be an almost completely happy individual.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Today was a good day. The only thing that is stressing me out in the least bit is the fact that ive still got no income. As soon as I start working, and am comfortable with what I'm doing, life will be peachy again.
Yesterday myself, Evan, Matt, Theo, and Jesse went to see Idiot Pilot in Bellingham. It was a great show, and then after we walked around town for a bit. I've decided that I love Bellingham. This place is a smaller city but has so much going on.
I have started communicating with my cousins more. I am hoping that I will be able to just call them up on skype from time to time and chat.
Relationships have been a popular topic lately. Mostly due to myself, Matt and Evan talking about them and our philosophy regarding them. Matt has been trying to convince me to be more bold in certain situations. I am good dealing with natural situations...like if myself and a girl I liked were hanging out as a result of being with mutual friends, or being stuck in a situation that calls for conversation. However, I can't just go up to a girl I like and start chatting with her...with the intention of asking her out for coffee or something. I am confident in who I am, but I often feel like a tool walking up to a girl and starting conversation. Also, I feel like doing it that way wouldn't work. If I like a girl its because I think the is worth it..and by it I mean the effort. So part of me is like, "Yeah you have to be bold and take the chance with an interest in order to deserve her." The other part is saying, "Wait for the opertune "natural" moment and then passively pursue.
Also, I get around town way too much to feel comfortable taking a chance like that. If it failed, then there would be a great chance that I would have to run into her time and time again...which could be awkward.
Whatever, at the end of the day maybe it all comes down to the fact that when it comes to pursuing a girl I have a vagina where my face should be.
Someday I will get over myself and just do it, but until then I should invest in a bulk box of tampons to stick in my mouth.
Anyways, I should get to bed, gotta go meet Jord in the Wack for the Inuk show. I'm also very excited to pic up Tugrul at the airport.
Sexy thimes.
"She's one of those girls who looks hotter in her panties." - Dave Atkinson
"You should go up to her and say, 'I see that you have child bearing hips, and I have a child bearing penis.'" - Dave Atkinson
Yesterday myself, Evan, Matt, Theo, and Jesse went to see Idiot Pilot in Bellingham. It was a great show, and then after we walked around town for a bit. I've decided that I love Bellingham. This place is a smaller city but has so much going on.
I have started communicating with my cousins more. I am hoping that I will be able to just call them up on skype from time to time and chat.
Relationships have been a popular topic lately. Mostly due to myself, Matt and Evan talking about them and our philosophy regarding them. Matt has been trying to convince me to be more bold in certain situations. I am good dealing with natural situations...like if myself and a girl I liked were hanging out as a result of being with mutual friends, or being stuck in a situation that calls for conversation. However, I can't just go up to a girl I like and start chatting with her...with the intention of asking her out for coffee or something. I am confident in who I am, but I often feel like a tool walking up to a girl and starting conversation. Also, I feel like doing it that way wouldn't work. If I like a girl its because I think the is worth it..and by it I mean the effort. So part of me is like, "Yeah you have to be bold and take the chance with an interest in order to deserve her." The other part is saying, "Wait for the opertune "natural" moment and then passively pursue.
Also, I get around town way too much to feel comfortable taking a chance like that. If it failed, then there would be a great chance that I would have to run into her time and time again...which could be awkward.
Whatever, at the end of the day maybe it all comes down to the fact that when it comes to pursuing a girl I have a vagina where my face should be.
Someday I will get over myself and just do it, but until then I should invest in a bulk box of tampons to stick in my mouth.
Anyways, I should get to bed, gotta go meet Jord in the Wack for the Inuk show. I'm also very excited to pic up Tugrul at the airport.
Sexy thimes.
"She's one of those girls who looks hotter in her panties." - Dave Atkinson
"You should go up to her and say, 'I see that you have child bearing hips, and I have a child bearing penis.'" - Dave Atkinson
Friday, January 30, 2009
in a violent place we can call our country
is a mixed up man and i guess thats me.
the sun's in the sky but the storm never seems to end.
its a place of sorrow but we call it a home.
and the darkest thoughts yeah, i guess they're my own
there's wealth in the bank but there's nothing to show inside.
its cloudy now
its getting cloudy now
in a special place that i call my life
the father was cruel and he lost his wife
but i don't see either cause i live across the street
its a beautiful thing when it starts to rain
a man who drinks just to drown the pain
and i can't stop from dreaming
there's something else.
its cloudy now
its getting cloudy now..
we are a fucked up generation
it's cloudy now
is a mixed up man and i guess thats me.
the sun's in the sky but the storm never seems to end.
its a place of sorrow but we call it a home.
and the darkest thoughts yeah, i guess they're my own
there's wealth in the bank but there's nothing to show inside.
its cloudy now
its getting cloudy now
in a special place that i call my life
the father was cruel and he lost his wife
but i don't see either cause i live across the street
its a beautiful thing when it starts to rain
a man who drinks just to drown the pain
and i can't stop from dreaming
there's something else.
its cloudy now
its getting cloudy now..
we are a fucked up generation
it's cloudy now
Thursday, January 29, 2009
This is lame, but I am watching a movie called Irish Jam and it makes me want to go back to Ireland. Ive never really had a desire to go there until now. Western Europe doesnt interest me as much as other parts of the world. But, that being said I want to live in Ireland...just for a little while...in a small town on the coast. Maybe make an honest woman of someone.
"It seems like we must realize, that life is a gorgeous apple at first glance, but at a closer look, there are many bruises.You either suck it up, and take a big fucking bite, or whip out your knife and carve out your own beauty. You don’t just grimace at it, hoping it will get better." - Grant Asplin
"I live to see you eat that contract, but I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I'm going to ram it into your stomach and break your god-damn spine!" Ben "The Butcher of Bakersfield" Richards
"I live to see you eat that contract, but I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I'm going to ram it into your stomach and break your god-damn spine!" Ben "The Butcher of Bakersfield" Richards
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Each and every person is her or his own. Their philosophy unique and special. The most we can and should expect from others is that they go about life growing and learning in thier understanding of the world we live in to the best of their ability. Any less is ignorance, any more is arrogance.
When I come to a belief about something I do so in the best way that I know how. And though my methods can be questioned based on there validity, I can not be unless I am knowingly being ignorant to the results of my own methods. This is what I must realize about others. As long as they are being honest about what they've witnessed and what they've claimed to know as a result of their methods then I can not expect anything else from them. Except that they pursue growth and evolution in there methods as a result of their conclusions.
When the dust settles, I have to realize that my understanding is a very limited one, and this goes for everyone else. Each working out of their own perspective which is constantly being influenced by enviroment, which is constantly affected by their own perspective.
I can not claim to know any ultimate truth. I heard it once said that it takes the most impressive amount of courage to believe in something and still realize that tomorrow it could be proved false. I hope to have this kind of courage throughout life.
My current beleif about the idea of preaching or witnessing ...anything really...is that I can share my own understandings and the methods of which I used and encourgage others to grow and stay true to their own understanding. I want to help people think well. I want their understanding of the world to co-exist with itself, or change in order to accomplish harmony...even if their conclusion and/or process is different then mine.
I was reading some of a book that ive had for years called, "Voltaire's Bastards", these are some quotes that I was thinking about thus far in my reading.
“Ours is a civilization astonishing in the degree to which it seems to see and know” – (6)
“Nothing frightens those in authority more then criticism.” – (6)
“Language – not money or force – provides legitimacy.” – (7)
“There is nothing particularly original about breaking down the intellectual, political, social, and emotional walls behind which language has been imprisoned, freeing it, then watching while the poor thing is recaptured and locked up again. That process has been repeated endlessly throughout history.” – (7)
“Never has there been such a sea of available information, and yet all organizations – public or private – work on the principle that information is secret unless specifically declared not to be.” – (11)
“ There is a conviction that governments have never been so strong and at the same time a sense that they are virtually powerless to effect change unless some superhuman effort is made.” – (11)
...and to finish it all off....
“…while not blind, we see without being able to perceive the difference between illusion and reality.” – (12)
When I come to a belief about something I do so in the best way that I know how. And though my methods can be questioned based on there validity, I can not be unless I am knowingly being ignorant to the results of my own methods. This is what I must realize about others. As long as they are being honest about what they've witnessed and what they've claimed to know as a result of their methods then I can not expect anything else from them. Except that they pursue growth and evolution in there methods as a result of their conclusions.
When the dust settles, I have to realize that my understanding is a very limited one, and this goes for everyone else. Each working out of their own perspective which is constantly being influenced by enviroment, which is constantly affected by their own perspective.
I can not claim to know any ultimate truth. I heard it once said that it takes the most impressive amount of courage to believe in something and still realize that tomorrow it could be proved false. I hope to have this kind of courage throughout life.
My current beleif about the idea of preaching or witnessing ...anything really...is that I can share my own understandings and the methods of which I used and encourgage others to grow and stay true to their own understanding. I want to help people think well. I want their understanding of the world to co-exist with itself, or change in order to accomplish harmony...even if their conclusion and/or process is different then mine.
I was reading some of a book that ive had for years called, "Voltaire's Bastards", these are some quotes that I was thinking about thus far in my reading.
“Ours is a civilization astonishing in the degree to which it seems to see and know” – (6)
“Nothing frightens those in authority more then criticism.” – (6)
“Language – not money or force – provides legitimacy.” – (7)
“There is nothing particularly original about breaking down the intellectual, political, social, and emotional walls behind which language has been imprisoned, freeing it, then watching while the poor thing is recaptured and locked up again. That process has been repeated endlessly throughout history.” – (7)
“Never has there been such a sea of available information, and yet all organizations – public or private – work on the principle that information is secret unless specifically declared not to be.” – (11)
“ There is a conviction that governments have never been so strong and at the same time a sense that they are virtually powerless to effect change unless some superhuman effort is made.” – (11)
...and to finish it all off....
“…while not blind, we see without being able to perceive the difference between illusion and reality.” – (12)
Monday, January 26, 2009
Some Goals:
Short Term:
1) Save enough money to spend for tree planting prep.
2) Get a Planting Crew together that will suite my vision.
3) Finish making wine.
4) Journal!
5) Read a book every month
6) Apply for Anth/Spoc. major at UFV
7) Get intouch with News.
8) Get a tattoo
Post Planting:
1) Make more wine.
2) Collect more comics.
3) Go to school.
4) Have a good part time job.
5) Collect more LP's
6) Buy an iMac, bed, desk, rug,
7) Learn how to make sushi
8) Journal!
9) Start putting together a scrap book.
10) Photography (make photography "year books"
11) Read a book every month.
12) Learn Flash and make my own homepage!
13) Keep in touch with friends via Skype!
14) Podcasts...news ect.
15) Get a tattoo
Dreams?!?
1) Start writing short stories.
2) Make some of my own music, record it, make artwork, and music videos.
1) Save enough money to spend for tree planting prep.
2) Get a Planting Crew together that will suite my vision.
3) Finish making wine.
4) Journal!
5) Read a book every month
6) Apply for Anth/Spoc. major at UFV
7) Get intouch with News.
8) Get a tattoo
Post Planting:
1) Make more wine.
2) Collect more comics.
3) Go to school.
4) Have a good part time job.
5) Collect more LP's
6) Buy an iMac, bed, desk, rug,
7) Learn how to make sushi
8) Journal!
9) Start putting together a scrap book.
10) Photography (make photography "year books"
11) Read a book every month.
12) Learn Flash and make my own homepage!
13) Keep in touch with friends via Skype!
14) Podcasts...news ect.
15) Get a tattoo
Dreams?!?
1) Start writing short stories.
2) Make some of my own music, record it, make artwork, and music videos.
This is another end to another glorious weekend!
Hmm, lets see...what did I do. Thursday night youth/the office/ o'shig. Friday night was an effin sweet LP party/ Theo's show in Van city. Saturday/Sunday was Evan's b-day bash at his grandparents place. Good times, one might even venture to say sexy times (thanks to Jesse). It was especially
cool for me because I got to hang out with some new people and spend more time with those that I already knew. It was also cool to see what Evan's other friends are like and how he interects with them, considering I usually only hang out with him, Matt, and Tugrul.
We did some Hide and Seek in the dark, which was choice. Watched some GTA4 action, and then had a sweet in-the-dark convo until the early hours of the morning. It was sweet to hear everyone say what they did. Topics discussed varied but were none-the-less extremely interesting. I especially enjoyed listening to what Theo had to say. He seems like someone who would make me a better person via conversation.
Sunday night was cool as well. Had a sponsor meeting and then met up with O'shiz. Before the sponsor meeting Pete called and we talked about planting. It was great because whenever I start talking about planting I get excited! I can't wait...but Iwill.
Now I sit at home after picking up some McDonalds in the AM on a Monday morning. I feel like shiza and wonder why I continue to spend needless money on crap that I don't need, that makes me feel like crap, and that is probably taking away bits of my life either in quality or quantity of days left. I guess it's one thing to do it occasionaly with friends late at night, but tonight was by myself and I wasn't really too hungry. This is beggining to sound quite impulsive and addictive. I should stop soon.
Listening to Colin talk about how youth parents were complaining about our "Nerds and Gangstaz" night made me frustrated as per usual. I don't understand how adults can be so seemingly narrow minded and foolish at times. What bugs me more is that it pisses the hell out of me. I'm sure that it must be because I am a young adult. Maybe that stuff won't bug me as much when I'm older, however I hope to God that I never act like that when I am a parent. Useless energy spent on ridiculously pointless and meaningless things.
For the past week it seems that at some point every day I have been talking with Matt about relationships, mainly his own. I constantly wonder where the freak I get off. Sometimes it seems like I am inverting myself. On one hand I keep growing and solidifying values, beleifs, and preferences when it comes to a girlfriend yet on the other I seem to be less convinced about some things.
While I am going on about myself, I want to mention how flipping tired I am of some of my personality traits that I've been exibiting for the past 6-7 months. I seem a bit inclined to be offensive, and defensive. I constantly talk way too much and don't say much. I vocalize what I am thinking and feeling excessively which makes me look like a tool at times, and at the very least like a blubbering idiot. Finally, I havent been as concerned about forming goals in regards to who I want to become. Well maybe I form goals, but do little practically to change myself.
I am waiting to see if I get hired at Dave's work. It would be a cool change I think and I may get a chance to learn new things and utilize some of my skills that currently lay dorment.
I need to stop concerning myself about my future. I need to start thinking only a year in advance. I need to become less aware of my timeline so I can stop freakin being so trivial about my desires.
After I got home tonight I started watching some random videos on youtube that show a bunch of different human conditions and defects from birth. I am rarely conscious about some of the messed up crap that happens so rarely in this world. I hate being completely ignorant to these experiences or atleast the knowledge about them because when I am reminded of things that I dont normaly think about, that change my perspective of the world, I get worried that I wont cant at one time consider the world, the universe fairly.
Theo brought up some good subjects for me to be aware of:
1) the relationship between intellegince and happiness
2) the relationship between genuis and detachment
3) the need to cling to the simple things in life in order to stay sane!
Anyways, this is enough for now.
"You gots egg nog in my goats milk." - Kenny Rogers (MadTV Jackass)
Hmm, lets see...what did I do. Thursday night youth/the office/ o'shig. Friday night was an effin sweet LP party/ Theo's show in Van city. Saturday/Sunday was Evan's b-day bash at his grandparents place. Good times, one might even venture to say sexy times (thanks to Jesse). It was especially
cool for me because I got to hang out with some new people and spend more time with those that I already knew. It was also cool to see what Evan's other friends are like and how he interects with them, considering I usually only hang out with him, Matt, and Tugrul.We did some Hide and Seek in the dark, which was choice. Watched some GTA4 action, and then had a sweet in-the-dark convo until the early hours of the morning. It was sweet to hear everyone say what they did. Topics discussed varied but were none-the-less extremely interesting. I especially enjoyed listening to what Theo had to say. He seems like someone who would make me a better person via conversation.
Sunday night was cool as well. Had a sponsor meeting and then met up with O'shiz. Before the sponsor meeting Pete called and we talked about planting. It was great because whenever I start talking about planting I get excited! I can't wait...but Iwill.
Now I sit at home after picking up some McDonalds in the AM on a Monday morning. I feel like shiza and wonder why I continue to spend needless money on crap that I don't need, that makes me feel like crap, and that is probably taking away bits of my life either in quality or quantity of days left. I guess it's one thing to do it occasionaly with friends late at night, but tonight was by myself and I wasn't really too hungry. This is beggining to sound quite impulsive and addictive. I should stop soon.
Listening to Colin talk about how youth parents were complaining about our "Nerds and Gangstaz" night made me frustrated as per usual. I don't understand how adults can be so seemingly narrow minded and foolish at times. What bugs me more is that it pisses the hell out of me. I'm sure that it must be because I am a young adult. Maybe that stuff won't bug me as much when I'm older, however I hope to God that I never act like that when I am a parent. Useless energy spent on ridiculously pointless and meaningless things.
For the past week it seems that at some point every day I have been talking with Matt about relationships, mainly his own. I constantly wonder where the freak I get off. Sometimes it seems like I am inverting myself. On one hand I keep growing and solidifying values, beleifs, and preferences when it comes to a girlfriend yet on the other I seem to be less convinced about some things.
While I am going on about myself, I want to mention how flipping tired I am of some of my personality traits that I've been exibiting for the past 6-7 months. I seem a bit inclined to be offensive, and defensive. I constantly talk way too much and don't say much. I vocalize what I am thinking and feeling excessively which makes me look like a tool at times, and at the very least like a blubbering idiot. Finally, I havent been as concerned about forming goals in regards to who I want to become. Well maybe I form goals, but do little practically to change myself.
I am waiting to see if I get hired at Dave's work. It would be a cool change I think and I may get a chance to learn new things and utilize some of my skills that currently lay dorment.
I need to stop concerning myself about my future. I need to start thinking only a year in advance. I need to become less aware of my timeline so I can stop freakin being so trivial about my desires.
After I got home tonight I started watching some random videos on youtube that show a bunch of different human conditions and defects from birth. I am rarely conscious about some of the messed up crap that happens so rarely in this world. I hate being completely ignorant to these experiences or atleast the knowledge about them because when I am reminded of things that I dont normaly think about, that change my perspective of the world, I get worried that I wont cant at one time consider the world, the universe fairly.
Theo brought up some good subjects for me to be aware of:
1) the relationship between intellegince and happiness
2) the relationship between genuis and detachment
3) the need to cling to the simple things in life in order to stay sane!
Anyways, this is enough for now.
"You gots egg nog in my goats milk." - Kenny Rogers (MadTV Jackass)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Its amazing how much life plans can change in a day. Whats even more amazing is how much plans change in a single moment.
Thanks to Brian West's metaphore about a fruit tree and it's relationship to pruning, I can understand my ongoing struggle with what i want to do and what i can and have the time to do. My biggest problem..well atleast the biggest problem that I'm willing to admit, is that I want to do and experience way too many things in life. My desires overwhelm me, and I am often left to figure out what i should and shouldnt do with my time here on earth. Sometimes I convince myself that i can do all of these things, but that i just have to order my goals in the most logical and efficent way possible. This in itself stresses me out probably more then deciding what plans/goals i should keep or throw away.
I don't understand myself as an indecisive person...well I don't think so atleast. I think that I have all of these ideas and plans in my head for my future and am constatly thinking of them and when to carry them out. However, from the perspective of others, they see little pieces of what i am considering in my mind and these pieces differ depending where I am at. One day i will talk about how amazing my life would be if i did this, almost as if thats what ive decided. Then the next day I will be vocalizing an alternative plan. I'm just trying to vocalize these things to sort my thoughts for my own good, and to maybe get some wisdom from others. Maybe this is indecisiveness.
I know what I need to do to help with my tough decisions about my future. I need to start doing some of the things Im dreaming about. I already do some of that, but i think i need to be more intentional. Because, if I start persuing these desires, then they get taken off of the "dream list" and on to the actual list. This makes for less unattended desires to deal with, less choices!
Right now I am considering on working on my own personal resume. I need to start working on my own skills, culturing myself, and growing in my views, understandings, and abilities. If I were to think out loud now, right now...at hmmm...1AM on a Thursday... I am thinking that after this summer of tree planting that I should stay in Abby, apply for my Anth/Soc degree at UFV and have a full two semesters of school. On the side, work part time, and start persuing some things that i want to do to grow as a person. This is how i feel right now. I havent actually decided to do this because whether i decide to do it at this moment or not, these are still plans that cant take place until next fall. Maybe tomorrow I will lean more towards going to the Caymans and Brazil this next fall...who knows.
But, this is how I work...i keep tossing ideas around in my head until it comes to the final moment and I go with where I am at then. What kills me is when I have long periods of time in between my juggling of ideas and those defining moments.
This morning I had coffee with a recent friend of mine Josh. It was grand, and we were talking about this whole idea of being torn between desires and plans for the future. He recommended a book called "Einstein's Dreams". I will have to read this book.
Anyways, thats enough for now.
Oh Oh, and quote of the day occurred last night at Timmy's with Matt and Evan. We did a lot of talking regarding our ideas about relationships...anyways...here it is:
"I like that. When people look over and say, "Hey look at that faggot.", and then he gets on stage and totally shit kicks their brain." - Evan Konrad
Thanks to Brian West's metaphore about a fruit tree and it's relationship to pruning, I can understand my ongoing struggle with what i want to do and what i can and have the time to do. My biggest problem..well atleast the biggest problem that I'm willing to admit, is that I want to do and experience way too many things in life. My desires overwhelm me, and I am often left to figure out what i should and shouldnt do with my time here on earth. Sometimes I convince myself that i can do all of these things, but that i just have to order my goals in the most logical and efficent way possible. This in itself stresses me out probably more then deciding what plans/goals i should keep or throw away.
I don't understand myself as an indecisive person...well I don't think so atleast. I think that I have all of these ideas and plans in my head for my future and am constatly thinking of them and when to carry them out. However, from the perspective of others, they see little pieces of what i am considering in my mind and these pieces differ depending where I am at. One day i will talk about how amazing my life would be if i did this, almost as if thats what ive decided. Then the next day I will be vocalizing an alternative plan. I'm just trying to vocalize these things to sort my thoughts for my own good, and to maybe get some wisdom from others. Maybe this is indecisiveness.
I know what I need to do to help with my tough decisions about my future. I need to start doing some of the things Im dreaming about. I already do some of that, but i think i need to be more intentional. Because, if I start persuing these desires, then they get taken off of the "dream list" and on to the actual list. This makes for less unattended desires to deal with, less choices!
Right now I am considering on working on my own personal resume. I need to start working on my own skills, culturing myself, and growing in my views, understandings, and abilities. If I were to think out loud now, right now...at hmmm...1AM on a Thursday... I am thinking that after this summer of tree planting that I should stay in Abby, apply for my Anth/Soc degree at UFV and have a full two semesters of school. On the side, work part time, and start persuing some things that i want to do to grow as a person. This is how i feel right now. I havent actually decided to do this because whether i decide to do it at this moment or not, these are still plans that cant take place until next fall. Maybe tomorrow I will lean more towards going to the Caymans and Brazil this next fall...who knows.
But, this is how I work...i keep tossing ideas around in my head until it comes to the final moment and I go with where I am at then. What kills me is when I have long periods of time in between my juggling of ideas and those defining moments.
This morning I had coffee with a recent friend of mine Josh. It was grand, and we were talking about this whole idea of being torn between desires and plans for the future. He recommended a book called "Einstein's Dreams". I will have to read this book.
Anyways, thats enough for now.
Oh Oh, and quote of the day occurred last night at Timmy's with Matt and Evan. We did a lot of talking regarding our ideas about relationships...anyways...here it is:
"I like that. When people look over and say, "Hey look at that faggot.", and then he gets on stage and totally shit kicks their brain." - Evan Konrad
Friday, January 16, 2009
Quote:
"I can't say my English right now." - Dave Atkinson
"You motorboating sonofabitch." - Vince Vaughn
"You motorboating sonofabitch." - Vince Vaughn
January 16, 2009: 5:00AM
This is my journal, this is my diary. Ive never kept one for more then a few weeks, so I will have to see where this one takes me. A rather new and delightful friend of mine blogs regularly and after reading his I was inspired to try my shot at keeping one.
My life in a nutshell...that's what I need right now. Something to place in here that will help me gain a future understanding of where I am in life right now...on my laptop...in Dave's gaming chair at 5am, after hanging with Matt and Evan.
My Nutshell:
I have changed what my plans were for my near future. For a while I was sure that I was going to go planting this next summer (09) and then after Jason and Alanna's wedding go visit Graham and Chels in the Caymans and then go with them down to Brazil and then staying there for the fall. Then I would come back and start school again, probably my Anth/Soc. degree.
But times they are changing, new opportunities, thoughts, ideas, feelings...maybe I am just indecisive when it comes to decision making. I think it's more that I am overwhelmed with the many great opportunities that lay on my threshold! So many glorious things to do with my life, so little time! It will, as it always is, be interesting to see where I land.
Now I am seriously thinking about moving to Saskatoon. It would be a grand change in my life, a chance to possibly grow in areas that have been so stagnent here in Abby. It's not an easy decision, I am so comfortable here...and my friends are all so amazing! I also would hate leaving where I live right now...this basement suit is almost perfect for me. Some of my friends are also very negative about me leaving. I guess more so disappointed, not negative. They bring up great points on my possible decision to move...but what makes the decision hard is that I realize what they say and include those points in my decision making process. I know either way I would be giving up or foregoing opportunities.
I have more immidiate fish to fry...like finding a job. I've been without one for almost a month, granted though, half of that was while I was in Alberta visiting over Christmas. I am supposed to go on a trip across Canada...an amazing trip, with an amazing friend in April...but more and more it looks like it's not going to happen. After I find a job I will have to save so much (especially if it is a crappy one) just so that I can pay to live as well as have some monies kicking around for planting.
I lost my dog for 3 days about a week ago. Found him in the Aldergrove pound and had to pay 100 bucks to get him out! Note to self...always make sure my dog has a tag with a phone number or addy.
Oh, and how can I almost forget my new car! During the super cold winter here in Abby my K car (Betty) sprung a leak. She still runs, however I think I might have cracked the block. I will eventually find out for sure, hopefully she is still gtg because I like her a lot and wished for a long life with her. But, with every end there is a beginning! I bought another K car...a K wagon (Aries) to be exact. I bought her from Dave's sister. It was a perfect fit since I know my way around a K car and this new one is the exact same colour as Betty...in fact...its pretty much the same car only the wagon version. I named this one myself... Avery K Aries. Hopefully we will have a long life together. If Betty is still keepable, I will pay it forward and give it to a friend in need for free, just like it was given to me when I needed it. (Man, Jordan Supeene...a gem I tell ya)
Well is there anything else I should mention in this summary/update/first post of this journals life?
Oh! Dave and I just started making our own wine. If it all works out in six weeks him and I will put together 30 bottles of "D & J's Bodrum Shiraz".
Other worthy mentions are my new found Vinyl and comic book collection. As well, I have never enjoyed wine and smoking pipe quite as much as I do these days.
Anyways, it is late and I need to sleep. Tomorrow I look forward to U23D in Vancouver.
Also, I dont think that I am going to do any spell checks on any of my posts...too much work.
My life in a nutshell...that's what I need right now. Something to place in here that will help me gain a future understanding of where I am in life right now...on my laptop...in Dave's gaming chair at 5am, after hanging with Matt and Evan.
My Nutshell:
I have changed what my plans were for my near future. For a while I was sure that I was going to go planting this next summer (09) and then after Jason and Alanna's wedding go visit Graham and Chels in the Caymans and then go with them down to Brazil and then staying there for the fall. Then I would come back and start school again, probably my Anth/Soc. degree.
But times they are changing, new opportunities, thoughts, ideas, feelings...maybe I am just indecisive when it comes to decision making. I think it's more that I am overwhelmed with the many great opportunities that lay on my threshold! So many glorious things to do with my life, so little time! It will, as it always is, be interesting to see where I land.
Now I am seriously thinking about moving to Saskatoon. It would be a grand change in my life, a chance to possibly grow in areas that have been so stagnent here in Abby. It's not an easy decision, I am so comfortable here...and my friends are all so amazing! I also would hate leaving where I live right now...this basement suit is almost perfect for me. Some of my friends are also very negative about me leaving. I guess more so disappointed, not negative. They bring up great points on my possible decision to move...but what makes the decision hard is that I realize what they say and include those points in my decision making process. I know either way I would be giving up or foregoing opportunities.
I have more immidiate fish to fry...like finding a job. I've been without one for almost a month, granted though, half of that was while I was in Alberta visiting over Christmas. I am supposed to go on a trip across Canada...an amazing trip, with an amazing friend in April...but more and more it looks like it's not going to happen. After I find a job I will have to save so much (especially if it is a crappy one) just so that I can pay to live as well as have some monies kicking around for planting.
I lost my dog for 3 days about a week ago. Found him in the Aldergrove pound and had to pay 100 bucks to get him out! Note to self...always make sure my dog has a tag with a phone number or addy.
Oh, and how can I almost forget my new car! During the super cold winter here in Abby my K car (Betty) sprung a leak. She still runs, however I think I might have cracked the block. I will eventually find out for sure, hopefully she is still gtg because I like her a lot and wished for a long life with her. But, with every end there is a beginning! I bought another K car...a K wagon (Aries) to be exact. I bought her from Dave's sister. It was a perfect fit since I know my way around a K car and this new one is the exact same colour as Betty...in fact...its pretty much the same car only the wagon version. I named this one myself... Avery K Aries. Hopefully we will have a long life together. If Betty is still keepable, I will pay it forward and give it to a friend in need for free, just like it was given to me when I needed it. (Man, Jordan Supeene...a gem I tell ya)
Well is there anything else I should mention in this summary/update/first post of this journals life?
Oh! Dave and I just started making our own wine. If it all works out in six weeks him and I will put together 30 bottles of "D & J's Bodrum Shiraz".
Other worthy mentions are my new found Vinyl and comic book collection. As well, I have never enjoyed wine and smoking pipe quite as much as I do these days.
Anyways, it is late and I need to sleep. Tomorrow I look forward to U23D in Vancouver.
Also, I dont think that I am going to do any spell checks on any of my posts...too much work.
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