Some eras that I can divide my life up into:

Early Childhood Ontario: 1985-1992 (Stuff I can't remember/earliest memories)

Early Childhood BC: 1992-1994 (Coquitlam)

Pre-move Abbotsford: 1994-2000 (Life in Abby with the Family)

Claresholm: 2000-2001 (grade 11 in a small town)

The Return: 2002-2003 (Grade 12 - Graduation; The Swaans)

Post-move Abbotsford: (I start to look back yearly instead of by "era")

     - Supeenes: 2003-2004 - The beginning of Bible College and first summer of tree planting

     - Nick's Basement: 2004-2005 - Depression\ Break up with Nicole (2nd year planting)

     - Mission: 2005-2006 - Brick Factory; First Trip to Thailand\Montreal (Break from planting)

     - Eldon's: 2006-2007 - Brick Factory; Second Trip to Thailand (3rd year planting)

     - Dan Tait at Redwood: 2007-2008 - Semester at UCFV

     - Dave's Basement: 2008-current - Semester at UCFV; 1st Year Foreman; Turkey; Year of                                                                          Work

I eventually want to record these eras of my life in more detail and with media attachments.

nos⋅tal⋅gia

    [no-stal-juh, -jee-uh, nuh-]  Show IPA

–noun

1.	a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time: a nostalgia for his college days.

Tonight Tugrul slept over. Towards the end of the night T was laying in bed talking with Sinem on MSN and I was looking through my grade 12 yearbook. Billy Joel's Pianno Man LP playing. As I usually do when I reminisce I became overwhelmed with nostalgia. I started by reading T some of the things written in my yearbook and then once we went to sleep I layed in bed thinking about different eras of my life and how they affected me. 

Nostalgia is something that is just as creative as it is destructive in my life. I'm not quite sure yet how to describe how it is destructive, but it is. It's like I get lost in a day dream where the chemicals in my body shift and make me feel like someone gazing off into the stars or across the room at a person they are in love with but no one is aware of their feelings. If I am around people when this happens, I start to vocalize it and usually quite quickley they start to say things like "dude, thats history...quit living in the past." etc...

This disease called nostalgia starts off positive by granting me great joy reminiscing about good times in the past. Then if I dwell too long I start to place myself back into a specific era/memory in my life. It feels almost like when someone is taken back in time to view the past with a magical spirit and they can see everything and everyone and what happened but they can't interact with any of it.

If I continue to think about past memories in this state I start to feel like memories are things that represent things/feelings/moments that I can never get back. And for some reason...that really bugs me. I compare it to something I realized a few days ago. I can't do everything. I'm not qualified or I may never be able to be qualified for certain jobs, careers and/or experiences. Even if I have never desired to persue a certain idea, job, experience etc...once I realize that I can't, I feel like I am missing out on something that life has to offer. Something that I am supposed to experience or do...something that I should understand. And I think that bugs me.

I value life for the experiences that it has to offer. I value experience since it offers understanding. Understanding and Experience are very important to me. I think if I had a choice to live for thousands of years I would take it. I would do and learn everything that I could...experience everything! However I think that the disease of nostalgia would be extremely intense, maybe even unbareable.

If my super power was an innate desire to experience things to understand them, to understand others...then I think my fatal flaw, my kryptonite would be nostalgia. Sometimes I worry about how I will deal with memories when I am an old man. At that point I hope that I have learned to become content with where I was, who I was, who I knew, and where I'd been. I hope.

Nostalgia creates what feels like an alternate reality. Usually to overcome it I have to be in  a currently familar environment, maybe watching the news or doing something or talking to someone that I currently hang out with. It's weird because I know that my life has, is, and most likely will be great! I think that I am content with who I am and what I've experienced up until this point in my life. So I'm not quite sure why I occasionally suffer from this disease of nostalgia...or what it means. I dont think my life was "better" in the past...but why do I still concern myself with it so much.

I think at the end of the day this is something that I will have to wrestle with myself. No one else ever wants to dwell in the past with someone like me for the same period of time...it just gets frustrating (I can imagine).

Finally, I think that it is important for me to make an effort at remembering my past, recording it, whether in a journal, scrapbook, or via photos. This is something that I have a desire to do and will one day do well. I would love to make a collection of memories...photos, videos, documents etc...and create a few dvds and a few scrap books for each era of my life.

"I'm gonna go stick my pickel into a hair sandwich." - Robot Chicken Character

"You. Sit down. Now. - - - Shhhh! You sit." - Tugrul

---Would you like to do something sometime?

"No. I am married." - Scott R.

--- In an interview he was asked what his dream car is...

" A 1988 Dodge Aries Wagon" - Dave A.

Today I went to Rock Beach Studios to be in the audience for a pilot episode of a show called "Roadhouse". Yuca was playing there and I was invited along with Scott, Tugrul, Matt, and Evan. It was my first experience on a set of any kind that I can remember. It was a fun experience. As well, I got to watch Yuca perform again. I really enjoy their music probably because they are very professional sounding, they seem to be great guys, and because I have a friend in the band. Always have to support friends in what they do, music or otherwise. I like Yuca's music also because I find it to be very catchy.

On the ride home I thought a lot about my outlook in regards to music. I think that I am usually fair and positive about persuing music, though Im sure that's not always the case. I base my opinion of a band on the following three things:

1) If they appeal to me and my musical tastes.

2) Their reasons for pursuing music and if they are approaching their goals appropriately.

3) If they deserve to play infront of a certain audience or in a certain venue, based on their talent and skill as musicians.

Those are the three things that I think I base my musical opinions on. And ofcourse I am usually more forgiving if I know the artist or band personally.

I've decided that I am absolutely tired of hearing people being negatively over-critical about bands. What we fail to realize sometimes is that music is art...their isn't nessisarily a right or wrong way to do it. Just preferences held by musicians and audience alike.

The person who appriciates simple music usually dislikes complicated arrangements. The person who likes rocking out to a shredding rock guitar solo may not appriciate one guy and his accoustic guitar. Someone who loves extremely technical music may not appriciate more basic songs where notes are "felt" and where the guitar "groves".

My point is that people have to start realizing that when they are being critical about a band or artist, they are doing so while looking out through the eyes holes of their own box of musical preference. I think to be fair we have to understand where the band is, where they want to go, and how they are going about getting there. Ofocurse we can be critical about a band when it comes to whether or not we "like" them, but when it comes to deciding if a band is "good" then we must try our best to look beyond ourselves especially if we don't poersonally like the artist(s) in question,

Dear Jordan,

You don't need a new computer.

You don't need to spend a bunch of money on expensive things that you will use minimally.

After planting, save money...go to school. Be a good steward with you money and posessions.

~past jordan

Remember These Things!

Right now it is about 12:30am and I want to do this before my mood and emotional state is altered. This is to myself:

Stop being so judgemental of people. Especially the petty crap. You can be petty and weird, and annoying...so give others a break when they are.

Keep your opinion to yourself unless someone asks you for it.

Be patient, be kind, be understanding.

Quit worrying about your future. Every desire you have would be awesome if you pursued it. So take your time and choice one or a couple at a time...quit worrying about all of them. You will get a chance to do these things if they are still true desire of your heart.

It's about time to start taking more responsibility. You've noticed where you lack in taking initiative when its important to. Quit being so unconscious about your finances. Think ahead about plans and what you realistically have to do to accomplish them, especially without compromising yourself.

As lame as it may be I'm still going to say it. I love Jim and Pam's relationship on The Office. I know its made up, I know that its made to provoke emotion out of the viewers and that so many people share a similar feeling towards them. However, I love those two and what they have. Today I watched the latest Office episode, the one hour special after the superbowl and again, I fell for what Pam and Jim had going for them in that episode...

"He said that you told him how much you love me. About how you feel when I walk in a room. And about, how you've never doubted for a second that I'm the woman you wanna spend the rest of your life with....When you're a kid you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that" -Pam

I want that! I want to know that about someone else. I want to feel that way about someone.

It kind of sucks though how I partially rely on a tv relationship to provoke those kind of feelings. Maybe I should use the fictional relationship of Jim and Pam to help keep me from compromising my desires for a relationship.

yeah.

So today was an epic day. I went to see a great UFV Play"Inuk and the Sun". Billy and Vic where in it and Joanne directed it. Myself and Jordan S. met in the Wack to see it...gt's all around. After that I boosted to watch the rest of the stuperbowl at the Krauses. Then I left there early to meet Sam to pick up Tugrul. On the way to the airport Sam and I had a great conversation. This is the first long/deep conversation that I have ever had with him. He is a wise man, and I learned a lot about history, himself, and Tugrul that evening. I have a new understanding of Tugrul through listening to his dad's philosophy.

Ofcourse the picking up of Tugrul was great. As much as I was worried that Tugrul was going to be stressed out and "serial" when he got back, he totally wasnt. The night he came back he went to tim's with evan, jesse, matt and myself and it was a lot of fun. Evan said that "This sort of feels like a new era. The one we had, myself, Matt, Jesse, and you...was awesome. We got to know each other while Tugrul wasn't here. But now, he's back and I'm really excited."

I'm really running on E as far as my bank accountis concerned. I hope I start working, am successful and start raking in some cash. As soon as I can start worrying about money I will be an almost completely happy individual.

Today was a good day. The only thing that is stressing me out in the least bit is the fact that ive still got no income. As soon as I start working, and am comfortable with what I'm doing, life will be peachy again.

Yesterday myself, Evan, Matt, Theo, and Jesse went to see Idiot Pilot in Bellingham. It was a great show, and then after we walked around town for a bit. I've decided that I love Bellingham. This place is a smaller city but has so much going on.

I have started communicating with my cousins more. I am hoping that I will be able to just call them up on skype from time to time and chat.

Relationships have been a popular topic lately. Mostly due to myself, Matt and Evan talking about them and our philosophy regarding them. Matt has been trying to convince me to be more bold in certain situations. I am good dealing with natural situations...like if myself and a girl I liked were hanging out as a result of being with mutual friends, or being stuck in a situation that calls for conversation. However, I can't just go up to a girl I like and start chatting with her...with the intention of asking her out for coffee or something. I am confident in who I am, but I often feel like a tool walking up to a girl and starting conversation. Also, I feel like doing it that way wouldn't work. If I like a girl its because I think the is worth it..and by it I mean the effort. So part of me is like, "Yeah you have to be bold and take the chance with an interest in order to deserve her." The other part is saying, "Wait for the opertune "natural" moment and then passively pursue.

Also, I get around town way too much to feel comfortable taking a chance like that. If it failed, then there would be a great chance that I would have to run into her time and time again...which could be awkward.

Whatever, at the end of the day maybe it all comes down to the fact that when it comes to pursuing a girl I have a vagina where my face should be.

Someday I will get over myself and just do it, but until then I should invest in a bulk box of tampons to stick in my mouth.

Anyways, I should get to bed, gotta go meet Jord in the Wack for the Inuk show. I'm also very excited to pic up Tugrul at the airport.

Sexy thimes.

"She's one of those girls who looks hotter in her panties." - Dave Atkinson

"You should go up to her and say, 'I see that you have child bearing hips, and I have a child bearing penis.'" - Dave Atkinson