Its amazing how much life plans can change in a day. Whats even more amazing is how much plans change in a single moment.
Thanks to Brian West's metaphore about a fruit tree and it's relationship to pruning, I can understand my ongoing struggle with what i want to do and what i can and have the time to do. My biggest problem..well atleast the biggest problem that I'm willing to admit, is that I want to do and experience way too many things in life. My desires overwhelm me, and I am often left to figure out what i should and shouldnt do with my time here on earth. Sometimes I convince myself that i can do all of these things, but that i just have to order my goals in the most logical and efficent way possible. This in itself stresses me out probably more then deciding what plans/goals i should keep or throw away.
I don't understand myself as an indecisive person...well I don't think so atleast. I think that I have all of these ideas and plans in my head for my future and am constatly thinking of them and when to carry them out. However, from the perspective of others, they see little pieces of what i am considering in my mind and these pieces differ depending where I am at. One day i will talk about how amazing my life would be if i did this, almost as if thats what ive decided. Then the next day I will be vocalizing an alternative plan. I'm just trying to vocalize these things to sort my thoughts for my own good, and to maybe get some wisdom from others. Maybe this is indecisiveness.
I know what I need to do to help with my tough decisions about my future. I need to start doing some of the things Im dreaming about. I already do some of that, but i think i need to be more intentional. Because, if I start persuing these desires, then they get taken off of the "dream list" and on to the actual list. This makes for less unattended desires to deal with, less choices!
Right now I am considering on working on my own personal resume. I need to start working on my own skills, culturing myself, and growing in my views, understandings, and abilities. If I were to think out loud now, right now...at hmmm...1AM on a Thursday... I am thinking that after this summer of tree planting that I should stay in Abby, apply for my Anth/Soc degree at UFV and have a full two semesters of school. On the side, work part time, and start persuing some things that i want to do to grow as a person. This is how i feel right now. I havent actually decided to do this because whether i decide to do it at this moment or not, these are still plans that cant take place until next fall. Maybe tomorrow I will lean more towards going to the Caymans and Brazil this next fall...who knows.
But, this is how I work...i keep tossing ideas around in my head until it comes to the final moment and I go with where I am at then. What kills me is when I have long periods of time in between my juggling of ideas and those defining moments.
This morning I had coffee with a recent friend of mine Josh. It was grand, and we were talking about this whole idea of being torn between desires and plans for the future. He recommended a book called "Einstein's Dreams". I will have to read this book.
Anyways, thats enough for now.
Oh Oh, and quote of the day occurred last night at Timmy's with Matt and Evan. We did a lot of talking regarding our ideas about relationships...anyways...here it is:
"I like that. When people look over and say, "Hey look at that faggot.", and then he gets on stage and totally shit kicks their brain." - Evan Konrad
Thanks to Brian West's metaphore about a fruit tree and it's relationship to pruning, I can understand my ongoing struggle with what i want to do and what i can and have the time to do. My biggest problem..well atleast the biggest problem that I'm willing to admit, is that I want to do and experience way too many things in life. My desires overwhelm me, and I am often left to figure out what i should and shouldnt do with my time here on earth. Sometimes I convince myself that i can do all of these things, but that i just have to order my goals in the most logical and efficent way possible. This in itself stresses me out probably more then deciding what plans/goals i should keep or throw away.
I don't understand myself as an indecisive person...well I don't think so atleast. I think that I have all of these ideas and plans in my head for my future and am constatly thinking of them and when to carry them out. However, from the perspective of others, they see little pieces of what i am considering in my mind and these pieces differ depending where I am at. One day i will talk about how amazing my life would be if i did this, almost as if thats what ive decided. Then the next day I will be vocalizing an alternative plan. I'm just trying to vocalize these things to sort my thoughts for my own good, and to maybe get some wisdom from others. Maybe this is indecisiveness.
I know what I need to do to help with my tough decisions about my future. I need to start doing some of the things Im dreaming about. I already do some of that, but i think i need to be more intentional. Because, if I start persuing these desires, then they get taken off of the "dream list" and on to the actual list. This makes for less unattended desires to deal with, less choices!
Right now I am considering on working on my own personal resume. I need to start working on my own skills, culturing myself, and growing in my views, understandings, and abilities. If I were to think out loud now, right now...at hmmm...1AM on a Thursday... I am thinking that after this summer of tree planting that I should stay in Abby, apply for my Anth/Soc degree at UFV and have a full two semesters of school. On the side, work part time, and start persuing some things that i want to do to grow as a person. This is how i feel right now. I havent actually decided to do this because whether i decide to do it at this moment or not, these are still plans that cant take place until next fall. Maybe tomorrow I will lean more towards going to the Caymans and Brazil this next fall...who knows.
But, this is how I work...i keep tossing ideas around in my head until it comes to the final moment and I go with where I am at then. What kills me is when I have long periods of time in between my juggling of ideas and those defining moments.
This morning I had coffee with a recent friend of mine Josh. It was grand, and we were talking about this whole idea of being torn between desires and plans for the future. He recommended a book called "Einstein's Dreams". I will have to read this book.
Anyways, thats enough for now.
Oh Oh, and quote of the day occurred last night at Timmy's with Matt and Evan. We did a lot of talking regarding our ideas about relationships...anyways...here it is:
"I like that. When people look over and say, "Hey look at that faggot.", and then he gets on stage and totally shit kicks their brain." - Evan Konrad
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