This is another end to another glorious weekend!

Hmm, lets see...what did I do. Thursday night youth/the office/ o'shig. Friday night was an effin sweet LP party/ Theo's show in Van city. Saturday/Sunday was Evan's b-day bash at his grandparents place. Good times, one might even venture to say sexy times (thanks to Jesse). It was especially cool for me because I got to hang out with some new people and spend more time with those that I already knew. It was also cool to see what Evan's other friends are like and how he interects with them, considering I usually only hang out with him, Matt, and Tugrul.

We did some Hide and Seek in the dark, which was choice. Watched some GTA4 action, and then had a sweet in-the-dark convo until the early hours of the morning. It was sweet to hear everyone say what they did. Topics discussed varied but were none-the-less extremely interesting. I especially enjoyed listening to what Theo had to say. He seems like someone who would make me a better person via conversation.

Sunday night was cool as well. Had a sponsor meeting and then met up with O'shiz. Before the sponsor meeting Pete called and we talked about planting. It was great because whenever I start talking about planting I get excited! I can't wait...but Iwill.

Now I sit at home after picking up some McDonalds in the AM on a Monday morning. I feel like shiza and wonder why I continue to spend needless money on crap that I don't need, that makes me feel like crap, and that is probably taking away bits of my life either in quality or quantity of days left. I guess it's one thing to do it occasionaly with friends late at night, but tonight was by myself and I wasn't really too hungry. This is beggining to sound quite impulsive and addictive. I should stop soon.

Listening to Colin talk about how youth parents were complaining about our "Nerds and Gangstaz" night made me frustrated as per usual. I don't understand how adults can be so seemingly narrow minded and foolish at times. What bugs me more is that it pisses the hell out of me. I'm sure that it must be because I am a young adult. Maybe that stuff won't bug me as much when I'm older, however I hope to God that I never act like that when I am a parent. Useless energy spent on ridiculously pointless and meaningless things.

For the past week it seems that at some point every day I have been talking with Matt about relationships, mainly his own. I constantly wonder where the freak I get off. Sometimes it seems like I am inverting myself. On one hand I keep growing and solidifying values, beleifs, and preferences when it comes to a girlfriend yet on the other I seem to be less convinced about some things.

While I am going on about myself, I want to mention how flipping tired I am of some of my personality traits that I've been exibiting for the past 6-7 months. I seem a bit inclined to be offensive, and defensive. I constantly talk way too much and don't say much. I vocalize what I am thinking and feeling excessively which makes me look like a tool at times, and at the very least like a blubbering idiot. Finally, I havent been as concerned about forming goals in regards to who I want to become. Well maybe I form goals, but do little practically to change myself.

I am waiting to see if I get hired at Dave's work. It would be a cool change I think and I may get a chance to learn new things and utilize some of my skills that currently lay dorment.

I need to stop concerning myself about my future. I need to start thinking only a year in advance. I need to become less aware of my timeline so I can stop freakin being so trivial about my desires.

After I got home tonight I started watching some random videos on youtube that show a bunch of different human conditions and defects from birth. I am rarely conscious about some of the messed up crap that happens so rarely in this world. I hate being completely ignorant to these experiences or atleast the knowledge about them because when I am reminded of things that I dont normaly think about, that change my perspective of the world, I get worried that I wont cant at one time consider the world, the universe fairly.

Theo brought up some good subjects for me to be aware of:

1) the relationship between intellegince and happiness
2) the relationship between genuis and detachment
3) the need to cling to the simple things in life in order to stay sane!

Anyways, this is enough for now.

"You gots egg nog in my goats milk." - Kenny Rogers (MadTV Jackass)